Facebook Dump

Things that I’ve put there, that are a hoot for me to look back on…

Honestly, if I’d realised how many opportunities babies open up to poke fun at people, I would have had one much sooner! Dec 4, 2009.

Henry’s first proper steps today- from standing, deliberately walking forward to get, (you gast it,) technology! (Remote control- if it’d been a phone he’d have sprouted wings and flown.) So there goes my quality of life, eh? Ah, well, perhaps now he’ll get faster at loading the washing machine. Dec 20, 2009.

Who says time is money? I’m very happy that my time is not money. I think we should change it so that food is money, and time is love. March 23, 2010.

Henry’s throwing his lunch on the floor, Daddy’s speaking very sternly, and Mummy’s gone “fuck it, I’m going on Facebook.” May 1, 2010.

Clever Henry has sussed that he can con his dad into sitting and reading to him by saying “potty!” June 27, 2010.

Henry’s just invented a “Starter All Over Machine.” Lego. I want one! June 11, 2012.

Stressful- wanting desperately not to punch someone that you really just want desperately to punch. Oct 15, 2012.

Henry, building with Lego: I need lots of people to help with this project, even people who stay in motels. Even people who do chores. That’s you, Mummy. March 22, 2013.

Lauren’s first birthday was Easter Sunday last year. I got to wondering when it would next fall on Easter Sunday again. Turns out, she’ll be turning 80. Easter is weird. April 7, 2013.

Yesterday Henry invented my new favourite game. He calls it “Duck the Frisbee.” I call it “Throw the Frisbee at Henry’s Head.” Wonder what else we could play it with? April 26, 2013.

Does anybody else feel like they’re not very well-suited to the life they’ve made/chosen? It occurred to me last night that I would be (was!) much more at home in a rat-infested bus garage. Just not cut out for this. Still having fun with it, anyway- not to worry. June 7, 2013.

Could somebody please invent an iPad app where the parent can set some kind of invisible timer and at the end it will pretend it’s run out of battery charge so the 4 year old will give it up without thinking I’m the most evil woman in the history of anything, ever?!! June 11, 2013.

Yesterday Lauren starting stringing “I don’t like…” at the beginning of sentences, instead of “Not I like…” (In fact, pronounced “yike.”) Now I’ve just gotten off Skype with Henry, who is in France for the week with Dave’s (very very wonderful) parents, and he’s been telling me a great story about a volcano setting a mountain on fire, and the rescue mission, via trrrain trrracks, and he’s not calling them twain twacks anymore!
Big kids! June 27, 2013.

Just home from an afternoon with a Home Ed group we’d not met before. Henry really hit it off with one boy, played beautifully for 3 1/2 hours, thick as thieves, then about 3 minutes from getting back to the car, pushed him in the river. July 3, 2013.

Henry’s convinced the new royal baby has been put in prison. Possibly in Dubai? I think I’d better stay in the room when the news is on. July 22, 2013.

I’ve just spent 26 minutes lying on Henry’s bed while he told me a (Lego-inspired) story, which began with the premise that the policemen had to do some building because in the olden days there weren’t any builders. Good job my history is pretty shaky- I managed to suspend my disbelief. Sept 2, 2013.

Historians, please- In the olden days, when Mummies couldn’t be police officers or firefighters, could they go to the library? I love driving around with this kid- now he’s onto there’s aliens on every planet. Even the big gassy one has a floating alien. Oct 25, 2013.

So, those strings of “But why, Mummy? But why?” Today we seem to keep ending up with, “Well, darling, sheer bloody-mindedness on your part, I would say,” followed by, “You get that from Daddy.”
Ready for a weekend. Nov 8, 2013.

So, we’re going to a soft play called the Arc later this morning. Henry just shouted, as he ran off, “Speaking of the Arc, I need a wee-wee!” Dec 16, 2013.

Home ed with Henry today- Lauren’s asleep and he and I are reading a fabulous Mr Gum book. There’s a mention of a character being 500, and he wants me to write the number- we’ve only gotten to 300 in the past. That leads eventually to folding the paper, paper airplanes, and particularly ones that land on water. (Why?) We google it and he gets excited about a papier mache plane made out of a plastic drink bottle, which we carefully copy, with extra sticky tape and no papier mache. Now he’s in the bath with it, (that’ll end well,) and I’m having a cup of tea, and catching up with you lot. What fun! Oh, now it’s damaged. Now it’s a submarine! Dec 17, 2013.

Henry: The reason I am sometimes so grumpy and cranky is that I live in this world.
Me: Some people that live in this world aren’t so grumpy and cranky.
Henry: Like Daddy. April 2, 2014.

Lauren: Mummy, did you go off somewhere on your own?
Me: No, darling, I’m just tidying up.
Lauren: … Who is coming?
Awesome. She knows how things work around here. April 28, 2014.

Henry, expressing hunger: Mummy, the persons in my body have been looking at the food gesticators (?!) and they are meditating on my body needs some food. June 9, 2014.

I may have explained “sapping my will to live” quite badly, as a couple minutes later Henry said to me, “Mummy, I love you so much I think I’d rather be dead.” June 13, 2014.

Henry just found me, squirreled away in Lauren’s room with the iPad, and introduced me to, “Can Daddy have a Cup of Tea Please Castle.” June 21, 2014.